In my teens and 20s, I had this limiting belief.
I thought that if I wanted to date the girls who I was really attracted to…I had to be this stereotypical “cool guy.” A jock. A badboy. An “alpha.”
– I thought I had to dress like a frat boy
– I thought I had to be funny all the time
– I thought I had to be an asshole
– I thought I had to ditch all of my interests and hobbies and adopt more “acceptable” ones
Personally…I hated the idea of becoming this guy. I liked who I was, and I felt like I had a lot to offer.
Why should I contort myself into being the type of guy I personally can’t stand in order to attract more dates?
It felt like I had to sell my soul in order to get the results I wanted.
But for a while…I did it anyway.
For a good 3 years…I put forth my best effort to “fake it till I make it.”
I told myself that if I do this long enough…it will become second nature. All of the books and videos online universally agreed on this, so it must be true!
For 3 years, I faked it…..only problem was….I never “made it.”
I just ended up looking foolish.
My friends and family wondered what the hell was going on with me.
I dated attractive women….but they were the opposite of what I wanted in terms of personality.
In reality…..the whole thing felt dirty.
I then decided that everything I did in my dating life was going to come form a place that was 100% authentically me, for better or worse.
And if some women didn’t like that….so be it.
I had reached a point where I would rather have fewer dates, but have each one of them be meaningful….than a whole bunch of shit dates.
And that’s exactly what happened.
I ended up going on fewer dates, but the ones I went on were absolutely kickass.
Because the issue was never about me not being “cool” or “badass.”
The real issue was my attitude about who I was and how I valued myself.
When I understood and learned to appreciate who I was and what I had to offer, and had no shame about showing that to the world….results (and the right kinds of women) followed.
This has been the same for the dozens of clients I have successfully coached in my program, so I know I’m not just a fluke.
What are some of your biggest beliefs about dating that are holding you back currently?