My friend Kevin was seeing a girl who he said was “extraordinary.” She was a lawyer working for a major firm in Manhattan, and he was a banker with very long working hours.
On paper…everything worked out. They were both driven, professional, growth minded people who were looking for someone similar.
But after a month of dating….she called everything off.
Not because of any major incompatibilities….
But because with their busy schedules…they had trouble finding times to actually meet.
Kevin was depressed….he felt as though if he wanted to date..he was going to have to find someone who was much less growth oriented and driven than he was.
But here’s the thing….the hard truth that I told him.
If either of you were really committed to seeing each other….you would have found a way to make the time to do so.
People who really want to meet and date will find a way to work around their schedules.
After asking him a few questions about his schedule…I found out that he wasn’t really putting in that much effort to go see her.
-He would call at the last minute and try to schedule something hours in advance often when she was working.
– He wouldn’t plan out dates and times to meet, to work around each other’s busy schedules.
This became a problem for the girl he was seeing, as whenever he wanted to do something, she was busy, and vice versa.
Perhaps you found yourself in a similar situation?
So is that it then? Are busy guys relegated to dating do-nothing homebodies for the rest of their lives?
Not at all!
Once I helped Kevin make three simple tweaks to his approach, things turned around massively, and the next hot-shot lawyer he dated became his current girlfriend!
1) Figuring out the scheduling needs of his date, ahead of time: This helped Kevin to coordinate his busy schedule with hers, to ensure that they always had a time to meet. This includes having backup times in case something falls through.
2) Finding a common time each week to meet. Kevin and his current girlfriend owe a lot of their early success to planning out common times each week to meet, and sticking to that time. In Kevin’s case, it was Saturday morning (the only time they could devote to dating regularly).
It may be boring and repetitive, but as a busy guy, sometimes you will need something routine to help keep things going.
3) Cutting out unneeded activities. (I struggled with this one….Netflix and video games are a helluva drug!) Sometimes we need to cut out from our lives that which is not serving us. I helped Kevin identify what these were, and it turned out that he had a lot more time on his hands than he thought.
If you’re a busy guy, you could choose to continue dating despite your busy life, or you could decide to give up dating until your life becomes less hectic. Both are acceptable choices.
However, if you choose to continue to date, all is not lost. Perhaps just a few small changes can end up making all the difference.