There’s something that most dating coaches and “experts” do that really annoys me. It’s this idea that all of your dating problems and issues are caused by external factors…and that your confidence and self worth are solely determined by how women respond to you. If women respond well to you…then you’re a great guy…a stud…an “alpha.” If they don’t…..then there’s something wrong with you…and you need to change.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with becoming a better person (I encourage this)…But the problem arises when coaches, consciously or not, enable their students to believe that a woman’s opinion of them reflects on their universal value as a man.They end up focusing too much on ONLY changing external situations….and it may give them a false sense of confidence in the short term.
But then things start to get a little rocky…that false confidence goes away, and they are back to square one.
Frustrated….unsure of themselves….cursing dating and women.All because they didn’t tackle the right problem. That problem is what they are thinking and feeling on the INSIDE…about themselves…about dating…about women.
All the superficial shit (how should I style my hair….what vocal inflection should I use?) isn’t going to get you lasting success, if you don’t work on changing your negative thought patterns.
The reason most coaches don’t do this? Because it means they would have to do more work….
-More work to understand the individual personalities of their students, and how they would need to adjust strategies to suit each client.
-More work to understand the different types of women they are attracted to….and how some women won’t be impressed by the corny BS lines that most 20 year old “master” coaches are spitting out.
-More work to understand the relationship and life goals of each individual.
Basically, if it’s not a on size-fits all program where they can treat each client as if they were a unit on an assembly line….they don’t want any part of it. Because let’s be honest…. they’re lazy, and they’re not concerned with understanding who you are and what your needs are.
Are ALL dating coaches this way? Certainly not! But when researching potential coaches, be wary of anyone who tries to shoehorn you into a formulated program, and who prescribes the same solution to you that they do to literally anyone else.
The fact is that people are different, and each one has their own particular set of issues, tastes, personalities, and temperaments. A good coach will know how to meet all of these different types of people where they are, and help them to accentuate their own personal strengths. They will not try to make you take on their idea of what constitutes strength, especially if that’s the type of thing that turns you off.
You shouldn’t have to totally change who you are and what you like just to impress girls.